Saturday, September 29, 2007

Highlights of the Day

1- Chase laughing hysterically with me.

2- Ian crying throughout bathtime and getting ready for bed, until, at last, I put bandaids on his new boo-boos, at which point he wiped his tears away and declared, "Now I'm better."

Stupid Crockpot.

Forget what I said yesterday.

My pot roast was NOT that good.

Damn crockpot.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Crockpot Bliss

Can I just take a moment to reflect upon how much I love my Crockpot?

It is not yet 7am, and my pot roast is ready to go for dinner tonight. All I have to do is slice bread at 6.

Sometimes you just have to slow down and appreciate the little things in life, huh? Food solves all problems.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Official

Even though it's still 85 degrees outside, it is now officially Autumn.

Because I just opened my first bag of candy corn for the season, Baby! Woo-hoo!

Light My Fire

I've been in a candle-y mood. I guess since it's supposed to be Fall and everything, I feel like I should be able to light one and create that homey, cozy atmosphere.

So, I lit one (Home Interiors Snickerdoodle- YUM! Thanks, Grace!) and Ian and I enjoyed it before naptime. Then, Ian took a nap and came down afterwards to a still-lit candle.

He looks at it and exclaims,"Look, Mommy! The candle is still candle-ing."

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wednesday

Nothing really spectacular happened today. Just a bunch of mundane-y type things:

*Walked 3 miles with the kids

*Took Ian to Tots-er-cise at the gym, dropped Chase off in the nursery, and I did a quick round of weight machines. Haven't done that is a really LONG time. Like, years. I feel good, though :)

*Chase had OT and showed Miss Bonnie that he can now bat and grab at toys. Usually when I tell her that he can do something, he lays there with a blank expression when she tries to get him to do it.


*I started Ian's Alphabet book with him today. We made Applesauce and Apple Prints. Fun :)

*Ian discovered how to open the child-proof bottle of children's decongestant. Long story. Everything is OK. We will be putting a door guard on the medicine closet tomorrow.

*I ran 9 minutes straight and made it around the whole back of the neighborhood without stopping tonight!

Watching Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares now...don't think I can ever EVER eat out again. Must go...

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Running Errands

This morning I skipped Pilates (I've been doing that a LOT lately...all with good excuses, though. Today I had a cramp in my left side that wouldn't go away...) and instead we took a field trip to the mall (the good one- not Podunk Monroe Mall).

We had to take Bryan's new Bronco t-shirts back to Penney's because the Penney's in Denver forgot to take the ink-security tag off of them!

We made a day of it, returning the shirt, shopping a little (may I recommend these- they are on sale now for 5 for $20! Very comfy.) then stopped at the play place with the tunnels like McDonald's, and had CHik-fil-A in the food court.

Ian was almost perfect the whole time (only hiding briefly in the clothing racks at American Eagle. He even went peepee in the big potty without a fuss. We're pretty good at going into the world wearing big boy underwear now. Although yesterday on the way to the doctor we had to peepee in the bushes on the side of the road, but that's another story.

We met lots of really nice moms and kids there today. I think that the moms at Carolina Place Mall are nicer than the ones at Concord Mills. Just an observation. We ate our lunch next to a mom with 18 month old twin girls. She was chatting about how it's been really hard having twins...they were premature and are delayed a little, too. And for the first time in a while, I didn't scream in my head- "You think YOU'VE got it rough?!?!" I think I'm getting better at this whole acceptance thing.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Green Cake

Yesterday Ian decided he wanted to bake a cake. A green one.

So we did.




(I guess we could call it Chase's 5 month birthday cake, huh?)

5 Months

Chase is 5 months old...yesterday. Oops.

So we did a photo shoot today during Ian's nap :)



Happy 5 Month Birthday, Little Man.

Worth It

I had an argument with Ian last night.

He wanted to get his own cup of water from the bathroom sink. I had just put a new band-aid on his hand, and I didn't want him to get it wet, so I got him the cup of water.

OOOOOHHHHHhhhhh, was there a fit. Crying, carrying on, the most desperate whining you have ever heard. He wandered all around the house looking for his stepstool, sobbing the whole way, brought it back to the bathroom, dumped out the water that I had gotten, turned on the faucet, and promptly splashed his new band-aid. New crying now because he's upset that his band-aid is wet!

At this point, I had gone into his room to turn on his music, select a bedtime story, and turn on the light. When he realizes that I've done all this, another, better, bigger tantrum ensues because he also wanted to do these things.

I sat in the rocking chair and told him to tell me when he was done throwing a fit so I could read him a story. Thirty seconds later, he wipes his tears and says, "I'm all done with my fit now, Mommy!"

He climbs onto my lap, and I talk to him about letting people help him sometimes, and how he doesn't always have to do things by himself (good luck with this, right?). I looked at him and said, "Baby, you had a huge fit, crying, screaming, carrying on, all because you wouldn't let Mommy help you get a drink of water. Now, was that really worth it?"

He looks at me with a completely straight face, eyelashes still wet from tears, and replies, "Yes."

*sigh*

Sunday, September 23, 2007

A Correction

After I reread my last post, I got to thinking about it, and Ian does let me sing occasionally. After I read him his stories at bedtime, he asks me to sing to him while I pat him in bed.

I suspect this is just a ploy to delay bedtime, but I'll take what I can get.

I have a large repertoire of lovely lullabies- Beautiful Boy, Stay Awake (think Mary Poppins), Go to Sleep My Zoodle, and several other traditionals.

Ian's choice every night this past week? Take Me Out to the Ballgame.

The Hand Jive

I posted before about how Ian does NOT like me to sing. Well, ptooey to that, because Chase LOVES my singing.

His new favorite game is the Hand Jive. I sing and help him a little with the choreography, and he laughs hysterically.

Now that I think about it, maybe laughing hysterically is not the reaction I should be shooting for with my singing...

Maybe Chase will grow up to love musical theatre and I will have someone to go see shows with. :)

Friday, September 21, 2007

Hunger Strike

So, I said that Chase was loving his rice cereal. He is making me into a liar.

He giggled and smiled his way through about 3 meals. Now he's completely done a 180. He spits it out, gags, and cries like I'm torturing him during dinner time now. What's the deal??

I've tried different consistencies, different times of day, before and after nursing...to no avail. Should I give up and try again in a couple months?? I really don't want eating solid food to be a traumatic experience.

Any thoughts?

Single Momdom

Not that I would ever, ever wish to be a single mother, BUT...

Bryan left early this morning for Denver and I've gotten SO MUCH done today! Maybe I'm trying to keep myself busy or subconsciously trying to prove that I can do it on my own. I don't know. But today I:

1- Did all the laundry.
2- Took a shower and had time to straighten my hair.
3- Changed and made all the beds.
4- Kept my kitchen clean.
5- Made a yummy, yummy crockpot dinner.
6- Played outside on the swingset with the kids.
7- Watched Leah while Angelle went to the doctor.
8- Took an evening walk/bike ride with the boys
9- Bathed both boys.
10- Got everyone in bed and asleep by 8:30.

I feel like Superwoman!

Now I'm going to futz around the Internet with my glass of wine...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Hyundai of Monroe

I'd like to give a shout-out to all the guys at Hyundai of Monroe. I've now spent enough time there that I'm pretty sure I qualify for benefits, and they damn well better honor my timecard.

Today marks the 3rd time I've visited them for my air conditioning issue. It was supposed to be an in-and-out type of deal. They had already ordered The Part. Now they just had to put it In. Oh, and I needed the car inspected, too.

2 hours later.

The Part is In. They forgot about the inspection. Don't worry, he says. We'll just pull it around and check it out real quick.

The service guy pops his head in the waiting room about 10 minutes later, asking if I knew where my registration was. Of course I know where it is. It is at home on my counter in my pile of Important Things That I Cannot Lose.

Damn.

Don't worry, the main guy says. Just pick it up and swing by later and he'll get it taken care of for me.

I pile the boys in the car (Oh, yes. I've been waiting at the car dealership for 2 hours, keeping Ian and Chaser busy this WHOLE time. We have driven all the other customers out of the waiting room with our Noggin watching and breastfeeding antics.) We go home for a quick lunch and then return with said registration.

1 hour (and 7 exciting innings of car-showroom-baseball), the car has ice-cold air and is approved for another year of driving in NC.

Don't get me wrong. They are nice, nice people at Hyundai. They just aren't real fast.

And on a side note, the only person willing to stick around in the waiting room with us was a really nice older-ish lady. She commented on how Chase looks just like me.

...? I'm unsure of how to take this. I mean, he has my coloring. Kind of. Except for that mottled-skin thing that happens when he gets all worked up. But does that mean I look "downsy" (I'm stealing your word, Cate) or that Chase does not?

I know, kids with Ds look more like their parents than like "Down Syndrome People". Still. I'm a little weirded out. That's probably not very PC of me.

Oh, and she works at a group home taking care of 6 mentally challenged men. Coincidence? I think not.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Mathematically Healthy?

If:

apples=red,

And:

apples=healthy,

Then:
red=healthy, right?


SO:
Today I had a healthy lunch of red velvet cake.

Thanks, Tiff.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

BookMooch

Has anyone seen this site yet? Awesome!

www.bookmooch.com

New Buddy Walk Info

Sorry, I sound like I'm hounding everyone for donations. I'm really not. Give if you can, don't if you can't :)

But, we now have a webpage that you can make donations to without sending me a check. So check it out if you are interested. Or not. :)

Advice

After I tucked Ian into bed tonight and shut the door to his room, I heard him yelling some last minute advice to me:

Mommy! Be careful not to get any ice cubes in your ears!


Like I don't have enough to worry about already...:)

Tired

Bryan asked Ian if he needed to go peepee.

Ian answers: No, I don't need to go peepee. My worm* is tired.

*Fill in your own private part euphemism.

Monday, September 17, 2007

New Favorite Picture

Bad Mom


The boys and I were shopping today and Ian was moving like mo...lass...es... In order to get him to move a little faster, I challenged him to a race down the sidewalk.

He immediately began running ahead of Chase and I.

Then promptly tripped over Blue Dog and somehow landed on his forehead with that sickening hollow thump sound you always hear with the really good head injuries.

So there we were, Ian bawling in my lap on the sidewalk in front of Target. The Starbuck's lady was nice enough to get us a cup of ice so I could stop some of the swelling...but he's still going to end up with a nice goose egg.

Just another Monday:)

I'm a Runner!

Ok, maybe just a jogger. Or a fast walker.

But I did go "running" with Tiffany last night after the boys were in bed. We ran intervals (which is a fancy way of saying we ran until we couldn't anymore, then recovered with a fast walk and then took another stab at it) around the whole neighborhood.

I'm going to aim to do this 4 times per week. Wish me luck.

Then I will be lean and mean. Or at least less flabby and pretty much still a nice person.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Two Knees

I went upstairs to read Ian his bedtime stories. He looked at me as I sat down in the rocker and asked, "Mommy? You don't have Chasey?"

"No, baby, Chase is asleep already."

"Ooooh! I get to sit on two knees tonight!"

A Great Ianism

Today we drove past a garbage can that was knocked over into the road.

Ian says, "Mommy, I think someone pushed over that trash can on purposent."

...as opposed to on accident, I assume. :)

Restless Nights

Both boys have been waking up at night. Ugh.

Chase only wakes up once, nurses, then falls quickly back to sleep. Easy.

Ian, however, wakes up, cries a little, whimpers, and yells things like this:

"No, Gaga! Don't peel my banana!"

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Damn the Donatos.

**Big Brother 8 spoiler**

I'm so bummed that Dick and Daniele are the final 2. Seriously. I hate when good things happen to rotten people.

I mean, yay, they've restored their broken relationship...blah blah blah. They are both jerks.

Lemon Bars

Yum. I made these tonight and they were DE-liscious. Easy, too :)

Crust:
Cut together
3/4c softened butter
1 1/2c flour
2/3c confectioners sugar

Press into a greased 9x13 pan. Bake @ 350 for 15-20 minutes until slightly golden.

Filling:
Mix together
3 eggs, lightly beaten
3T flour
1/4c lemon juice
1 1/2c sugar

Pour over hot crust. Bake @ 350 20-25 minutes or until golden.

Sprinkle with powdered sugar before serving.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Project Bathroom:

Completed!



I spent a lot of time on this room. And unfortunately, it will only really be enjoyed by Bryan and I.

Maybe I will host a dinner party up here.

Thumbsucker


Oh, the thumbsucker's thumb
May look wrinkled and wet
And whithered and white as the snow...

But the thumbsucker's thumb
Is the sweetest taste yet...

As only we thumbsuckers know.

-Shel Silverstein

Positive Reinforcement

Me: Thanks for being such a good boy at the car store, honey.
Ian: Thanks for being such a good Mommy at the car store...honey.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Nuts.

After an afternoon of fighting with Ian about naptime, I sat down with him at the kitchen table while he ate his snack of peanuts and raisins.

Me: I love you, baby. But you makes me nuts sometimes.
Ian: No, Mommy. These are nuts.

*sigh*

Monday, September 10, 2007

So Cute

Bryan is such a good dad.

I can hear him reading to Ian before bed upstairs through the monitor. Ian's latest library pick is Joseph Had a Little Overcoat. At the end of the story, the author wrote out the Yiddish song that it is based on.

Bryan does NOT sing. At least I've never heard him do it willingly.

But as I type, I can hear this terrible, horrible, off key singing-- all because Ian asked him to. How sweet is that?

**I must also mention, that every time I try to sing in the car along with the radio, Ian asks me to "Please stop singing, Mommy," or "Noooooooooo! Stop, Mommy, stop!" Really. Is Bryan's singing that much better than mine?!

Christening the Bathroom

Chase christened the newly painted bathroom tonight.

Bryan doesn't really understand the timing of things yet.

For Chase's bathtime, you go in this order:
1-Fill the tub.
2-Undress Chase, changing his diaper and putting on a new diaper.
3-Bring Chase to the bathroom.
4-Check to make sure he hasn't pooped in the 30 seconds it took to get from his bedroom to the bathroom.
5-If diaper is clean, quickly remove diaper and place baby directly in tub.
6-Wash rapidly and remove promptly before next explosion.

This evening, Bryan started bathtime. This is what happened:
1-Bryan undresses Chase, removing diaper.
2-I go upstairs after cleaning up the dinner dishes and see a naked Ian streak past me in the hallway.
3-I find that the bath is not yet started.
4-I turn on the water and get Ian in the tub.
5-Bryan arrives in the bathroom with a naked Chase.
6-As I'm filling up the baby tub, I hear the SOUND.
7-Bryan says, "Oh, that is the grossest thing I have ever seen."
8-I look over and see Bryan holding Chase like a serving tray with both arms outstretched. There is a splatter across the floor, up the tub, and halfway up the wall.
9- I tell Bryan, "And THAT is why you wait til the last minute to take the diaper off."

Yoga Success!

This is the first time Ian has been back to the daycare since the pilates incident a couple weeks ago. We had a long talk in the car about how he can have fun with his friends in the playplace, and he can eat two cookies (bribery works) there, and that Mommy would come back in just 1 hour to get him.

We were a little late (when are we not?) and we dropped Chase off, then ran down the hall to the toddler area. Ian went right inside, sat down at the table, and started to cry. Oy.

We had the pep talk again. I got his cookies out, and gave him one last reassuring kiss...then ran down the hall, back to yoga, and tried to "center" myself while huffing and puffing (maybe I should consider some kind of cardiovascular work out routine...?).

Ian stayed in the daycare the whole time! I went to get him after class, and he was happily playing with the other kids. Success! Now I just have to go back more regularly so it's not such an issue again. *sigh*

Sunday, September 9, 2007

I think about my boobs a lot right now.

So I sawthis and thought, I wonder what I should name them?

Your Boobies' Names Are...

Wonder Woman and Batgirl

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Going Places

Chase has lots of things to do. There is no time for just hanging out on the Boppy.


Lawn Maintainance

This tractor was the best buy ever.



I never have to nag anyone to mow the lawn.

Oh, Ian.

I forgot to post about this earlier, but it's too good to miss.

While we were at Chase's 4 month ped appointment, the nurse and I were busy measuring Chase on the table with our backs toward Ian, who was playing quietly (!) with one of those wooden bead-box things in the opposite corner.

Until he started screaming.

You see, Ian has had a thing with hats lately. Everything is a hat- new diapers, McDonald's bags, even bean bag chairs. Apparently wooden bead-box things in the doctor's office make good hats, too.

Unless they get stuck on your head.

It was so stuck that after a few minutes of jiggling and tugging, the nurse left the room to get a SCREW DRIVER to take it apart! While she was gone, I finally got Ian to relax enough and stop pulling on it so I could kind of wiggle it diagonally on his head and slip it off. He had this gigantic red line across his forehead.

I'm thinking maybe this hat phase will soon pass. Oy.

Random Comment

Just now I was sitting in the recliner nursing Chase. Ian is sitting on the couch watching Dora. He looks over at me and says,

"You have to not pinch me, Mommy."

I swear, I've never pinched him!!

Friday, September 7, 2007

Chase's First Cereal

I know, I know. Everyone told me that I should wait to give him solids.


But I'm impatient. So we tried some delicious rice cereal a la breastmilk tonight at dinner.


And he did great!! I think that he's already used to the whole spoon idea because we give him his Levoxyl and baby aspirin on a spoon with a scoop of Cool Whip every day. So he already kind of knew what to do.


He finished off the entire serving of cereal :) Yum. We will do this every night.

No more pictures, please.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Chase's 4 Month Check Up

My big guy:

90%-ile in weight
75%-ile in height
70%-ile in head circumference
(These are all on the Ds chart. I wonder what they would be on a typical chart?)


No areas of concern according to the survey I filled out (which was for typical babies). All good news.

She also said that we should start feeding him solids. It seems a little early to me, but she brought up the point that it may take him a little longer to become accustomed to eating solid food, so we may as well start now and at least let him try it. That sounds plausible. Any ideas on this?

Fun at the Dentist

My dentist either has a terrible sense of humor, or he's just a little too much like the sadistic Dr. Farb from Little Shop.

1- I had to have 5 teeth worked on. He numbed up the right and left top, then said, "We're going to try to do the bottom left without numbing you up. We'll see how you do. Just raise your hand if you feel uncomfortable." I thought he was joking at first. He was totally serious! He drilled a little, I made a garbled OW! sound and he numbed me up for the rest.

2- In the middle of everything, I had 4 hands, 4 different tools, and a big spit sucker vacuum in my mouth. He says- "Open for me, please." How much more opener can I get?!?

3- Every time he got out the drill with the biggest bit, he said, "Okay, here comes a little bumpity-bump." Seriously.

And the assistant was a little iffy, too:

After all was said and done, and I couldn't feel my lips, tongue, or the left side of my face, she gave me a cup of mouthwash and told me to "rinse for about a minute." I can't even keep my own saliva in my mouth at this point.

Do you think they do this stuff because it makes for good stories to tell in the breakroom?

The Gun Game

Bryan and I were trying to convince Ian to eat his zucchini last night. We told him it would make him strong. He finally took a bite, chewed and swallowed, and then flexed his arms (which look like little chicken wings when he does this) and said:

"Wanna come see the gun game?"

I think he was trying to say 'Welcome to the gun show'...:)

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Daddy's Going to...What...?

We took a family trip to the car dealership to pick up Bryan's car after the whole wouldn't-start debacle. Bryan went inside to get the keys, and Ian started this conversation:

Ian: Where's Daddy going?
Me: He needs to go inside so he can pick up his car.
Ian (thinks for a moment): Yes. And he is going to carry it ALL the way outside so then he can drive it home.

This is why I love motherhood.

More T-Shirt Fun

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I have other things I should be doing...



One for Mommy:






One for Ian:


Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Maddex.cc

Just to let you know, I've almost caught up with our family pics on www.maddex.cc. I've been slacking off on it (I've been busy blogging- please!) but now our July and August pics are up.

Enjoy :)

A Good Ending

I thought I'd take a break from my pity party of a day and enjoy the evening.

We had dinner, and I got kudos from Bryan- he even had seconds! This, from the man who's standard response to most of my cooking is, "Um, it's not my favorite..."

We took a family walk around the neighborhood after dinner, and Ian rode his little-big-boy-bike the whole time. He's so freaking cute with his helmet on. I must take a picture of this.

After we got home, Bryan and I split up and tag teamed the boys for bedtime. I love bedtime now because both Ian and Chase listen to stories before cozy-ing down for the night. They are sweet boys.

So, no more whining tonight. Tune in tomorrow :)

Gripity Gripe Gripe

Today is just a winner, isn't it?

*After numerous reminders not to play with his big boy cup of milk at lunchtime, Ian dropped his almost full cup on the floor and we had a major milk catastrophe.

*Chase's OT never showed up today...which is fine, whatever, but please, I picked up the house and EVERYTHING!

...and my one bit of good news:

The AAA supervisor took pity on me and found another towing company that agreed to take the car in without me. Yay. I just hope they take it to the right place. Maybe I should call on that...

Gripes Continued

*The AAA towing service cannot take the car to the dealership unless someone rides with them to pay the milage overage at the end. I tried to explain to them that I have an infant and a toddler at home and no carseats. No dice. My new membership to AAA is of no use to me right now. The supervisor is supposed to call me back...

*I realized that I missed Chase's last cardiologist appointment. A month ago. Way to go, Mom!

Can I just start Tuesday over again?

Gripes

*I missed pilates this morning because Bryan's car wouldn't start and he took my car to work.

*I tried to go for a walk instead and a)the quick release tire fell OFF the stroller while we were walking and b)Chase was too cranky to ride so we ended up turning around after 10 minutes.

*I signed up for the AAA Plus membership so I could get Bryan's car towed to the dealership. When I called for roadside assistance, the lady told me there was a 5 day waiting period before I could actually USE the free towing service, so now I have to pay for the towing on top of the $130 sign-up fee.

*There are no cookies left in the house.

Blah.

Posting Roll

I know this is the third post in like 10 minutes, but I have a lot to say this morning, and both kids are still sleeping.

I just remembered an Ian story.

He was mad at something...I was probably trying to make him do something horrible like take a bath or go to bed... After I told him for the hundredth time, he looks at me and says, "FINE!"

Wow. That transition from 2 year old to pre-teen went by really fast!

Dental Payback

I was supposed to go in for my numerous fillings this morning at 9:45. However, I forgot to ask Tiffany to watch the kids until the last minute, and she was busy. So I was planning on cancelling anyhow. But then, Bryan's car wouldn't start today.

So I guess it was really not meant to be.

Ha. Dr. McLeod, think of this appointment cancellation as payback for making me drive all the way out there while I was pregnant and then refusing to do my fillings even though your stupid assistant told me that I should come in and get it over with before Chase came. Ha HA!

So there.

Honest Answers

The pediatrician's office started sending out developmental surveys to fill in about your child before their well-child check-ups. I got Chase's in the mail last week and have been making excuses not to do it for 8 days now.

I filled it out this morning, and actually, it wasn't that bad. The only things that I filled in "Not Yet" were his fine motor skills- grabbing his own hands, grasping toys for more than one minute.

Then, the last question:

Does anything about your child worry you?

Um...? How completely do they REALLY want me to answer this?

Monday, September 3, 2007

Really? For Me...?!

I was awarded! Emily from The Hamula Family (what a sweetie!) tagged me for:


This is my first blogging award. I would like to personally thank all my fans :) No, really. I love that my thoughts, as scrambled as they sometimes are, are enjoyed by others. This blog was started mostly as my own therapy, and like Emily, I've found a community of many other moms riding the same roller coaster that I found myself on 4 months ago. I can only hope that my writing can be as beneficial to someone else as it has been for me.

With that being said, I would love to pass this sentiment along to a few of my "blog friends" and thank them for their honest and witty perspectives on life as we know it:

I don't know what to say
I Never Thought...
Ella Grace with the Pretty Face

Sunday, September 2, 2007

A Change

Finally, today it was something other than HOT HOT HOT. The weather finally cooled off a bit, and the Culdesac Crew enjoyed our first evening of outside-card-playing-after-the-kids-are-in-bed.

Fun :)

And, just for the record, the Girls Team is planning a HUGE comeback from our loss tonight.

Fantasy Football

Over heard on Ian's monitor this morning:

"Touchdown!... ... ... Touchdooooooowwwn!"

Bryan shuffles down the hall to get him, opens his bedroom door, and finds that Ian is dead alsleep still...!