hate this

We finally decided that it was definitely time to cut out the pacifier.  Well, Bryan decided before I did, but I finally caved today.  Mostly because our collection of roughly one thousand pacies has dwindled down to two, and we didn't bring one with us in the car today as we ran a billion errands and Chase needed a nap.

He really only gets it at bedtime and naptime, which I don't think is too awful at this age, but certainly it doesn't do him any favors as far as oral-motor skills are concerned.  Also, when he wakes up at night, he cries for me to find one for him and then drops right back to sleep.  So, in theory, once he gives up the nighttime paci, then he will soothe himself back to sleep, right?

Anyway.  Tonight is the first night without it.  He's been in his crib, crying for an hour.  I go in every ten minutes and pick up everything he has thrown on the floor.  He looks at me with pleading eyes and signs 'paci' and I tell him that the paci is all gone.  I tell him I love him, and walk out the door.  And then he starts crying again.

It is totally heartbreaking.

I mean, I feel like the Worst Mom Ever because I'm denying him his comfort.  He asks so nicely, and he knows I know what he is talking about.  Or maybe he doesn't and he can't understand why I am so horrid as to keep going into his room without bringing the paci.

hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it.