So, today I ran into Food Lion to get a couple things, and we passed by this woman shopping with her son (?). He was probably 30s, big- tall and big boned. He obviously had some sort of issue- not Ds, but the slack-jawed, slow moving, blank expression on his face thing.
We turned down an aisle, and Ian goes, "Look at that man with the funny face, Mommy." I could have died.
First- I'm scared to death that they heard him (I'm thinking that we were far enough away that they didn't hear, but who knows?)
Second- I feel really really terrible that Ian even said it out loud in the first place
Third- When is Ian going to start noticing Chase is different, and how is he going to react to it?
Ugh.
I stopped him right there in the store and as soon as I knelt down next to him, he looked at me and said this really pitiful "I'm sorry, Mommy." I talked to him about how people are all different, blah blah blah, and it's never ever nice to talk about anyone like that, and that it doesn't make a difference what a person looks like... Oh, it was hard.
This is the first time that Ian has ever commented on anyone looking different. And I know that it was innocent- he wasn't making fun of this man, but now I'm on pins and needles wondering what he will say next. I'm hoping that I got through to him enough today in the store so that he at least won't blabber on and on about different-looking people in public, but what if he does? What is going to happen at the DSAC holiday party on Saturday?? Oh, Lord.
I wanted to run up to those people and hold Chase out to them and go- "Don't worry! We're one of you! It's ok!"
Ugh.
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- Laurie
- Wife to Bryan, Mom to Ian, Chase, Gavin, and Zeke. Down syndrome advocate. Literacy educator. Wine-drinking Christian. Keeper of chaos.
6 comments:
That is a hard thing to teach any kid and I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. Know that most people understand that kids DONT understand. When I was pregnant with Tristan, Tori asked like 5 heavier people if they had a baby in their belly too!!! She only stopped after we explained multiple times. But people were nice about it.
Luckily Ian is really young, so people will be forgiving. As far as noticing when their siblings are "different" who knows? Hunter will be 4 in March and still has no idea that Ella is different. He talks about Ds every once in awhile but Ella is just his baby and perfect the way she is to him.
Kay, your post just made me cry a little. Ian is such a sweet little boy that I think it would take this one time for you to tell him that that could be hurtful to people. Ian would never want to intentionally say or do something to make someone sad. I know how you feel, Andy has done that to me in the past except right to the persons face. She is A LOT more "spritided" than Ian and it only took her one talking to. At least he didn't slap the person on the rump and proclaim "Why is it so big and jiggly?"
I would be suprised if Ian does say anything about Chase being "different" because to Ian he isn't. He is his little brother and that is all he has known.
I also got a little teary at your post. I really don't think Ian will notice anything different about Chase. I agree with T that Chase is just his little brother and that's that. I think your little talk with him will prevent any odd comments at the DSAC party this weekend.
Wow. I never considered the possibility of this scenario. Now I'm going to be paranoid that it will happen to me.
Sounds like you handled it just right. I would have died, too, right there on the spot.
Ian has known Chase to look the way Chase does always, so that is normal to him. Children are brutally honest and i think that having the conversation that you did is when they learn how to filter themselves. You're an awesome mom!
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