When I came back, there was a scrambling from the kitchen, a crunching of wrappers, a gurgling/coughing sound, and it wasn't long before I put it all together.
And while I stepped away, that little stinker unwrapped 7 pieces of that pink sugary bubble gum from Porter's birthday party, and shoved them ALL in his mouth. He had this giant wad of sticky, slobbery gum filling up his entire oral cavity- so much so that he couldn't manipulate it and move it around so he could, you know, swallow. Or breathe.
So he is gagging on it, and then spits out the globby mess into his hand. At this point, I am trying to direct him to the sink, and while I do that, he puts it back into his mouth and wipes his hand on the floor, the chairs, the counter, and then finally makes a giant pink, sticky swipe down the front of his shirt.
Oh, and he is drooling.
I end up making him spit it into a napkin- well, not really making him; he couldn't breathe!- throwing it away, and giving him a lecture on "Why Eating Seven Pieces of Gum is Not a Good Idea, Not to Mention That I Told You That You Could Have ONE More Piece of Candy, Not All the Bubble Gum in the Bag."
He got really upset at me for throwing out his gum, but was surprisingly accepting of my reasoning (this is your consequence for not listening).
Then he explained to me that he only did it because one of the big boys at the party did it and he wanted to try it, too. I felt kind of bad for him, he plead his case so well.
When Bryan came home, Ian told him what he learned about gum: "That you can't put all the gum in your mouth at the same time because it turns into a sticky mess and Mommy will make you throw it away."