Monday, October 19, 2009


There has been a lot of talk lately in a couple of my circles about seasons.  A time for this, a time to move past that.  And it coincides with the decisions I'm having to make right now about going back to work.

I think, even though it makes me sad, that my season for being a stay at home mom is almost over.  I mean, not like tomorrow, but next fall...and I have to do the legwork now to prepare for it.  I spent the morning calling every daycare place near (and not near) me, working out hypothetical budgets and is just overwhelming.

And everything is hinging on something else.  If Chase gets into the school we want, if I can teach at the school I want, if the daycare has openings, if afterschool care works out.  This is COMPLICATED!

I guess I am also just feeling guilty about putting Gavin in full time daycare when I've spent the last 4 years at home.  I know he will be one, and probably happy to spend the day playing with a bunch of other kids at "school"...maybe it is just me, afraid that I will miss important parts of his life while I am at work.  But I also feel that my happy time at home is slowly coming to an end.  I am ready to have my house back, ready to only have my kids to worry about...I mean, the daycare kids are good kids- I think it is just the isolation that being at home all the time brings.  It seriously wears you down, and I know that for my own mental health, I am dangeroulsy close to the day that I run out of the house and down the street in a housecoat and slippers crying hysterically.  (Ok, I stole that from the movie Very Bad Things, but the image works somedays.)

And now that I have to commit to going back to work (Bryan has to decide how much money to put away for pre-tax childcare by November 6), I feel like I am on borrowed time at home.  So much to do!  So many kids to hug!  Must! Not! Miss! Anything!  Ack!


LeShayne said...

Sending hugs - some decisions are just so hard!

Angelle said...

You KNOW how many times I have been back and forth with this. Part of the reason I have not made it back to work is the fear of the unknown. Good luck with figuring it all out. I know you guys will do what is right for your family.